Betrayed Spouse 101

Rebuilding From The Ashes: Page 3

Forgiveness -Otherwise known as the "F" word. Believe me, it might as well have been a 4-letter word on some days. But the truth is, you'll get there eventually, and sometimes even without a conscious decision to do so. You start by forgiving the 'actions', sometimes one at a time. Or maybe you're the kind who has to forgive it all, all at once. Mine came slowly, one 'offense' at a time, if you will. And to be truthful, there are still some parts of the whole sordid mess I will never be able to forgive entirely. But I've made peace with them, and I don't throw them in his face, either. So you work on forgiving your spouse (you'll note I didn't talk about forgiving the Other Woman/Man - that's entirely up to you. Some feel it necessary, especially if she/he was a personal friend. I never felt the need. I don't hate her. But I've got no reason to forgive her, either. She's never apologized for her actions, shown any remorse or tried to make it up to me. My spouse has.)

And while you're fighting through the chaos of forgiveness, spare some for another very important person: yourself. A very wise betrayed spouse once mentioned that her therapist asked her which betrayal hurt more: her spouse's betrayal of the marriage, or her betrayal of self in taking him back. And its the truth. How many of us, before D-Day, told ourselves that if our mates ever cheated on us, we'd divorce them? We'd kick them out, with no negotiation? Cut and dried. After all, we have our pride. Our dignity. We wouldn't stand for it! But the reality is, we gave them another chance. And while we won't stand for any continued betraying behavior, we have to come to grips with the fact that we swallowed that pride and we're willing to try this again. Its hard to reconcile sometimes, and we feel like we betrayed ourselves in the process. But the truth is, you only betrayed the self you thought you would be if this happened. The real you is handling it with a lot of strength and determination, and you deserve a big pat on the back for that. And you know in your heart of hearts that you are proud of that.

Obstacles -You're going to hit a lot of bumps on this road. Some are avoidable, some aren't. Just knowing they're coming can help you tremendously. I've put together some pages (yes, real pages this time!) about the usual obstacles. Click the link below to see some common 'road bumps' that can set you back (or just make you feel that way).