For Links to  Other Sites  Regarding Infidelity
Click here

Betrayed Spouse 101

Betrayed and Pregnant: Taking Care of YOU

I f you're pregnant when it all comes down, you can add all that crushing despair you're feeling to the fact that you can't even MOURN it properly. You can't sit and cry for hours, you can't stop eating, you can't barf from the stress, you can't lay there wide awake in an insomnia haze with those inner demons tormenting you. You CAN'T because you've got more than YOU to think about. You've got more than YOU inhabiting your body. You are the sole life-support system for a tiny little life who (like you!) DID NOT DESERVE THIS. And that adds a whole new level of stress.

Here's a few pointers that helped get me through the worst of it and on to delivering a healthy baby in spite of the strain:

Make Yourself Rest  You may not be able to always sleep - but you can rest. Get off your feet for awhile - lay there and do nothing, but do it sitting or laying down. If you're tired, REST. If you're too keyed up to be tired, and its been awhile since you last rested, REST ANYWAY. If you're having trouble sleeping, talk to your OB about Benadryl. If you're out of your first trimester, you can usually safely take it, and it makes you nice and drowsy. Don't be afraid to do what you can SAFELY do to get the rest your body needs.

Don't Forget to Eat  You probably feel sick to your stomach. You don't feel like eating. You can't even remember to eat, with all you've got going on in your mind. Understandable, but you still need to eat. Keep it simple. Don't try to sit down to a big meal - do what the doctors tell you and eat several smaller meals through the day. Snack on crackers, bread, pretzels - bland foods that won't upset your stomach. I found Boost Shakes and Carnation Instant Breakfast to be especially helpful - good nutrition in a drink. Even when I wasn't hungry, I was still thirsty, so that worked for me. Don't feel bad if you only feel like eating yogurt for 5 days straight - you're in an emergency situation right now, and any food is good food for the time being. You WILL get through the worst of this and the world will begin to right itself again - you can eat your peas and carrots then. Just make sure you keep up your prenatal vitamins, and don't miss any of your appointments with your O.B.

Don't Be Afraid to Share This With Your O.B.  Your O.B. needs to know about anything that can potentially effect your baby. Don't be afraid to tell them you're having a stressful time at home. You don't have to go into detail if you don't want to - just let them know there are some marital difficulties or a 'family situation' and you're under a lot of stress right now. There ARE anti-depressants that you can safely take during your 2nd and 3rd trimester of pregnancy, and your doctor can give you other strategies or even prescribe bed rest if you need some time off work. I confided the whole sordid story to my O.B., and her tears joined mine as she told me that her husband of 21 years had just left her a few months before for someone he met online. Its a small, sad world sometimes, isn't it?

Don't Be Afraid to Ask For Help   You're tired. You're stressed. You're overwhelmed. And during this brief 9+ month period of your life, you can ask for help without feeling guilty in the least. You can be pampered and catered to and no one will think a thing of it. USE THAT. If you have other children, take advantage of those volunteer babysitters. If you need an errand run, call that neighbor. If you just need a break from life, call that friend and ask her to come over and bring the Ben and Jerry's and a funny movie. Don't pass it up when your sister says she'll come over and do your laundry, or your brother offers to wash your car. You do what you need to do and you ask who you need to ask for help getting there. People EXPECT you to need it right now.

Most of all, don't feel guilty if you're not focused on that baby as much as you 'should be'. What you need to remember is that if you're taking care of YOU right now, by default you are most definitely taking care of that baby.

As hard as it is to get through, the end result will be so very worth it. Cling tight to that little life within you. It'll get you through this.

~We're Rebuilding: Do I Continue My Family?~