Betrayed Spouse 101

Revenge!

You want revenge. That Other Woman/Man (or cheating spouse!) must pay! They deserve it! It's simple justice, that's all it is!! You spend hours dreaming up schemes. You'll send them pizzas! Dozens of pizzas! You'll log on to animal porn sites with their email address! You'll subscribe to embarrassing magazines in their name and have them delivered to their office! You'll write letters to their boss, their coworkers, their mother! You'll torture and torment them for weeks, no - months, no - years!!! There will be no END to your vengeance!!!

There will also be no end to this person's place in your thoughts. EVER. What you're doing is keeping them alive, day after day, month after month. Letting them rob you of peace and wrapping your mind and heart so firmly around them that you cannot move forward. Hating takes energy and focus. It takes drive and determination and obsession. Just like love. You can keep it going for years, and spend a lifetime seeking validation for it. The opposite of love is NOT hate. It is INDIFFERENCE. When you get to the point where you just plain don't care WHAT that person is doing, how they're doing it and who they're doing it with, you will know that you are OVER IT. OVER THEM. And there is no greater revenge than NOT giving that person ANY MORE POWER over you or your thoughts.

You can plot and scheme all you like. Just don't act on it and don't expect it to get you much of anywhere. Believe me, I know what you're thinking:

1. I'll write that Other Woman/Man a letter!
OK. Write it. Get it all out. Then burn it or shove it down the garbage disposal. Why? First of all, if you write in a threatening manner, you could be getting a visit from the police. If you attack the person with curse words, they're going to read that and assume you're just an irrational person that their cheater is better off without. In the long run, you're just validating for them how very important they have become and just how much of your life you're allowing them to infringe on. And don't think about sending them a heartfelt letter, appealing to their conscience and trying to get across to them the pain and devastation you are feeling. If they weren't feeling guilty before they hooked up with your spouse, I doubt they're feeling it much now. Here's what you're probably thinking of writing:

"Dear ----,
You have wrecked my home, ruined my marriage. I am hurting so badly. How could you do this to me and my children? My spouse and I loved each other so much and I don't know how you can face yourself in the mirror each morning.
Signed, Betrayed Spouse."

Great. You got it all out and told it like it was. You said your piece. Surely they will read that and hang their head in shame, right? NOPE. Not likely. Here's what they'll read:

Dear somebody terribly important to my spouse and its killing me to know that,
You have such power. My spouse could not resist you and I have to remind you of that. My life is in ruins because I am not able to keep it together in the face of what you represent to me. You should be ashamed, but you're probably not because I had it coming to me, since I am so pathetic.
Signed, The person who will be reminded of (and reminding my spouse about) you for the rest of my life.

Not nearly as enticing to think about now, is it? But that's the way it'll be perceived, believe me. Don't do it. And don't even THINK of picking up that phone or going over there. Do you really think you'll be able to keep your cool when they reveal some details you'd really rather not hear, and then show no remorse for them? Unless you have a yearning to be on the next installment of the Jerry Springer Show, I say keep your lips ZIPPED.